Yeah, I know. Why would I tell you how to flip a player, turn a cad, tame an asshole? I spend much of my time telling you not to put out for these types. I write at great length about how miserable these men make women. How they can have tons of casual sex with tons of women at the same time and not get emotionally attached to any of them. I write about how dirty they are, how STD-ridden. And yet.
I know you still pine for these guys. Successfully taming one is considered by many women to be the brass ring on the mating carousel. Even women who fully understand the risks will shut their eyes tight, hold their noses, and jump off the high dive for the dangerous thrill of it.
Wait, you say. Some of these guys do settle down! I know women who have players for boyfriends!
To those women I say, “How’s that working out? Does he cheat? Are you sure? Does he flirt with other women? Is he in touch with the previous girl who flipped him into monogamy? Do you check his texts? Do you wish you had his Facebook password? Do you rest easy when he’s not with you? Do you know that you are loved unconditionally?”
That’s what I thought.
Still, the dream survives. Like the person who buys one lottery ticket when the jackpot reaches a gazillion dollars, and then is shocked, shocked! when they don’t win, women continue to take a crack at the emotionally unavailable man that every woman wants and none can tame.
First a disclaimer. I don’t have a magic potion, can’t tell you how to bring a wild beast to heel.
The secret to flipping a player is finding one who wants to be flipped.
A pretend asshole. A guy who’s gone from beta to bastard and back again. The truth is, a very high percentage of males understand that assholes get laid. Many don’t know what to do about it. Others work hard to acquire skills with women via Game. But many, many young men just flip into acting like jerks. When in doubt, insult her. Walk away. Never show you care. This is surprisingly effective, and it really doesn’t require a bootcamp to role-play this way. Some of these guys will like the action so much, they won’t ever come back from the Dark side. Some will. You gotta figure about 20% of guys getting laid are jerks. The rest are just acting like jerks. That doesn’t make them fun to be around, but it does mean they are susceptible to being poached.
What does a girl have to do to flip a Pretend Player?
I’ll illustrate with a case study of our own regular reader and commenter Escarondito. I first heard from him in the Spring of 2009, when he was just 21. Here was the first comment he ever left:
What do you do with the girls who, when asked out on a date, look at you nicely and never talk to you again? LOL when my girl friends ask me, “You always have a new girl, do you just hook up or do you want something serious?” I can only respond based on my experience. “If I asked you on a date, treated you well, communicated with you during the week, and acted like a gentleman, you wouldn’t talk to me ’cause you’d think i was a punk.” None of those girls has disagreed with me yet.
At which point I made some remark about the plight of the Nice Guy. To which he responded:
Oh trust me, I understand I am supposed to be “molded” into a nice boy. But, LOL I was nice already. And I am still nice. You see I went to an all-boys boarding school, and I noticed I was gettin no play while the dudes who I heard dogging their girls out all week and sometimes to their faces were getting tail all the time. So when I got to college, I flipped the script and guess what happened? Girls galore. Now my issue is that I’m a graduating senior about to leave college with a strong sense of HFS (hook-up fatigue syndrome) and when I get a girl who I honestly have feelings for I’m constantly battling to keep up my image of bad boy to not let her see my good boy….I know that sounds soooo retarded but I’m telling you with so many girls today that is the case. Plus tbh i do like getting ass every once in awhile, and good boy Me doesn’t cut it in that department, so bad boy Me is what usually has to be shown. But this boy just wants to be good if you know what I mean?
On beta males:
Trust me, I was one too. So then I just started acting like an ass/ stepping my game up/ douching to an almighty level, and I got the sexual relationships I wanted. Great stinking piles of meaningless crap. And then the inner Beta kicked in and I just thought “Hey that was fun, but let’s get back to real life”. Now I’m a graduate watching my friends going through the same transition…[but a man] has to own that part of himself. See it to it’s fullest extent, and then make a decision on how he wishes to be.
On getting flipped into a boyfriend:
The hottest girl I’ve had as a girlfriend did it so simply. We were making out and I wanted to take her back to my room. She said, “No. You can take my number” (then gave a sexy wink), ”But I’m not fucking you tonight”. That let me know, “Hey you gotta invest time with me buddy, but don’t worry – I’m interested, and you aren’t going to want anyone else cause I am SSAAASSYYYY!!!! You better believe I called her during the week, texted her jokes during class, and made plans to hang out with her the next weekend. Not every girl might have the sass to pull that off, but if you’re making out stop yourself before it goes further. You can make out with a boy the first night and he could become your boyfriend, but never after sex. Take out his phone, put your number in it, say “Call me” and walk away. He will think of no one else for the next three nights.
Show relationship skills like loyalty and kindness. Answer your phone when he calls. So many girls only respond by text these days. I’m a call type of guy. If he calls you and you don’t respond and your text doesn’t say something like “in class ttyl”, what’s the point in talking to you? And if he calls you, call him back. When a girl texts me her response instead of calling me back after I called her, she is officially deleted from my contact list. I think girls get hung up on the guy that they are currently seeing and try to make it work. Guys know that if she doesn’t hit the standards I’m looking for someone else will. As my Jamaican family says, we “Cut our eyes and pass it”.
The next weekend we did more than make out but still didn’t have sex. Then I took her out to dinner, and again she was a flat-out person. She asked me “Do you just hook up with girls or do you actually hang out with them more than a couple of nights?” She never explicitly said “Let’s be exclusive,” but she let me know flat out that she wasn’t going to be just another girl. She wasn’t snobby or a bitch about it, she was honest with herself, and what the situation was regarding her and me. And most importantly, she was honest with me. A lot of girls know what the situation is, and know what they want, but if she never told me what she wanted out of the whole thing I still would have had the opportunity to get some and dump her. But she let me know that to get some is to stay with her. If a guy is truly an asshole he could hear all that and still try to pump and dump her but she was a smart girl to realize actions matter more than words. Plus, I’m not an asshole so I saw what standard she wanted, and to be honest, I WANTED to live up to her standard.
[There's a] difference between snobbery and self-respect. A snobby girl has an aura about her telling guys “You better start jumping obstacles to get to me.” A girl with self-respect meets me on even ground and when she spots an area of my game where my action might show an idea that I don’t value her, she put up an obstacle letting me know “Hey I am a woman of value.” I know it sounds like training a dog, but I was only a dog because I was trained to be. That whole courtship with her was eye-opening.
On how to be that girl:
Women often say that men treat women as objects. Here’s a hint: You let us. We use negs to shut down your human defenses. When you follow them you’re only helping us out in doing what we want to do. For example, when you complain that we don’t talk to you enough we say you’re nagging. No one wants to be called a nag so you stop. What you’re really saying is “I want more time with you in our relationship.” What we’re saying is “I want to have time with you when I want it to happen.” You backed down and now I can spend time with you when I want to. Just say, “Fuck that, I’m not nagging, I’m being upfront and serious.” If he doesn’t respect that he doesn’t respect you. That’s an example of what I believe everybody needs to jack them out of their illusions as to what a relationship entails. I call it “g’ing” someone up. He only calls you at 2 a.m.? Next time he calls g’em up and say, “You know, if we spend time together during the day and talk, we could hook up as well.”
But that’s only if you wanna take it past pure hook-up level to friendship and possibly a relationship. But hey, these are just the words of a 21yr old former FWB guy looking for something deeper.
I think Escarondito is wise beyond his years.
Inspired by his use of the word SASSY, here are Escarondito’s tips for flipping a player:
State interest clearly.
Say no in the early days.
Sexily suggest future rewards.
Say it straight, preferably with sass.
Show relationship skills.
Of course, this only works if the guy is looking for something deeper. It’s worth a shot. Even if you don’t get the Player, at least you won’t get Played.